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| Well it looks like I am going out tonight. Going to do some math then go out. I should stay up late and do math, but I feel the overwhelming urge to be social. I think that is what my problem is. if I am not around people in a social setting often I go crazy. Dillard's in some weird way somewhat satisfied my social needs, and now I am constantly wanting to go out ...because besides school, all I do is come straight home and sit here. My god I am a needy person. I am a needy person. What a freak! well i guess I was a freak already, so now I am a needy freak. A needy faggy freak. Well thats okay. I can write all that, and not feel it upset me in the least. I think I am getting my feeligns back in check. LOL
I am thinking I might get drunk, then come home and see if its possible to do math while intoxicated. I think I make math more complicated than it actually is, so maybe in that relaxed state I will do better. I doubt it. But its worth a try.
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| its 3:45 am and I have been practicin math problems since 11pm, and workingon homework. at 5 or 6 I am going to start studying for marketing test that is in the morning. I guess when I get home from classes I am going to practice math some more, maybe take a nap.. .but want to spend most of tomorrow practicing math, then going to bed at a normal time. Thursday, if I can practice math some more til 6 or 7 and be pretty comfy with it, I might go out. Dont know yet. Shit, I'm already recognizing the fact I am going to have to be very hard on myself if I am going to do well in school. I have been jobless for only several days, and I already feel my old wild side wanting to be crazy and irresponsible again. I think having a full time job keeps my grounded, but I definately need to learn some discipline. | | |
| yawn. I am tired.. and yet not. Its 5:30 AM and I have stayed up all nite again! The last time I slept was on Saturday night. and its Tuesday morning. I reviewed for my math quiz tonight. but not really too hard. I don't care right now. Tomorrow after math I am coming home and taking a long long nap and then waking up to study for marketing test, and do math homework. I think I might really dig not going to work anymore.
Veronica and Kristen just left at 5. They came over about 11ish. We watched some funny videos online, and downloaded and listened to music most of the night. Man when the three of us get together we just really bond. its great. | | |
| Ok. so I feel like talking to myself today. And this time something more positive. You know, I forgot I had this xanga thing. I was reading about my goals to lose the weight I wanted by march-may. well I didn't win that one, but at least I am back at A&M again, which was my other new year goal lol. I have been losing weight NOW though. I don't know how much I have lost so far, but I can notch up my belt buckle a couple of more notches.. thats four total notches inward since January. Although I cant really say I tried very hard January-May I managed a bit of loss. Just in the past month I have lost enough that I can actually notice, something I haven't been able to do in forever, and am finding myself somewhat less critical in front of the mirror. :) The more I lose the more motivated I feel to want to look good and get back in shape. and find me a cute boi. I put on some of my "skinny" clothes (never actually been skinny but you know what I mean) and.. well... at least I can kinda get them on now. HAHA. several months ago I tried to put on some pants I use to love and wear all the time, and I was in such a state of shock of how small they were (meaning: did not even come close to fitting) that I was looking at the tags to see if they were someone else's. I had a good four inch gap between the fly pulling it as tight as possible LOL.
so in a bit I am off to do some cardio crap with Ashley. Now that I am not working I want to go as much as possible.
In other news, I felt like being queer last nite, so I shaved my legs. They are itchy today.
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| Well, I emailed my math teacher to find out what the average was, and the average was two points higher than my grade. So the average was a D too. It makes me feel a little better I guess. LOL. actually a lot better considering most of those students have had math classes in the past MUCH MUJCH MUCH more recently that I have. :) | | |
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